Top 5 Did That Just Happen? Moments

I guess the deal with this tag is list your 5 WTF moments during bad sex. DON'T HURT URSELF tagged me.....SMCH! If I didn't have love for your off beat ass, I wouldnt've done it. LOL! But I can't follow directions to save my life so I'll have good and bad moments. I'm not gonna tag nobody so if you want to do this....like a4h says, "Tag yo-self!"

5
While receiving fellatio from this lovely young woman....



Her eyes start rolling into the back of her head and she starts shaking a bit. Now here I am thinking....either she is really getting into this or this chick is having an epileptic seizure! Well.....it was the latter. Apparently, my back was to the TV and whatever was on, was flashing rather erratically....like a strobe light. Well, I never saw her again. I think it was for the best.

4



While in my man-whore days, I was at the telly with my people. we were burning some good-good when I sit on some chick's lap. I was so high I honestly didn't knw she was there. Well, she let's me sit and I hit the blunt one more time. Before I know it, her hand is on my dick. Not an issue....I'm like cool. I turn around to get ready to handle my business, and i turn back around to pass the blunt off.....EVERYONE IN THE ROOM IS FUCKIN!!!



So what do I do....I joined in!

3

Two days, after that romp I go to the club wearing red contacts. I looked like the devil yawl! Anyway, while in this club I run across this fat booty chick who says some real slick shit to me. So I'm like bet, I got this one coming back to the tel with me. Sure enough, once the club lets out she's waiting outside for me. I get her back to the room and we instantly start fucking. We take it to the shower, and next thing I know she's like I can't go no more. I'm like cool cause I'me a little tired myself. As soon as we step out the shower, shorty faints! I'm not exaggerating or embellishing the story. She fainted. I'm standing there like WTF! I had my favorite look on my face too....



2

This is more like a why did I have to see this shit moment. Fellas, if you are sexually liberated with you're woman meaning you like to "try" things, make sure you don't take no pictures of that shit. And you better be DAMN SURE....yo don't piss that woman off. This dude ex-wife, who I must admit is really...really good in bed, is mad as fuck at this nigga. She pulls out a bunch of pictures of this dude shoving all sorts of shit up his ass! Bananas, broomsticks, spoons, candle holders....you name it he shoved it up there. When I say a bunch, I'm talking over 100. Ol' girl was in some of them too, shoving the various items into his off ramp.

1

My number one all time WTF moment. I was in my barracks room watching TV when this chick I met that day calls me up. She wanted to kick it so I was like cool, and I go to pick her up from work.



So she get's in the car smelling like french fries and chicken grease. She said she had a change of clothes in her bag so I was like cool. I told her she was gonna have to take a shower if she was gonna be kicking it in my room. She had that in mind anyway so that was cool. She get's in my room and get's naked on the spot. Mind you I met her in the drive thru earlier that day. She takes he shower and comes back in the room and was dripping wet. I'm thinking is this chick gonna dry off or stand in front of me glistening like that. So I'm thinking I got me a jump-off. she walks over to me and starts sucking the royal penis.....LOL....I had too! So she goes to get on and I WILL PUT THIS ON MY MOMMA JOE! This bitch starts farting. I put her ass out so quick! I'm still mad at that shit!!!

It's also quite fitting that this is my 69th Blog!

Regular Randomness: 2007.....A Look Back

How's everyone doing today? I'm just feeling good….waiting to get off work. In the mean time in between time, I was surfing the internet and realized 2007 really sucked for me. I've had worse but this year was shitty. Not just for me either. Let us take a look at what made the news in 2007…..

January 2007

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D)

She becomes the first female to become Speaker of the House. For those that don't know jack shit about political structure, she's kind of a big deal. If I am right, she falls 3^rd in line to assume presidency should something happen to the President and Vice President. So like I said…she is kind of a big deal. You may ask, "RK…just what the fuck does a Speaker of the House do?" I'm glad you asked that.

"In the United States, in the House of Representatives and in state legislatures and local government councils, the speaker is usually selected by the members of the majority party and functions as a leader of that party. Thus, though the speaker is expected to be fair, he or she uses procedural rulings to advance the causes and agenda of his or her own party. Ceremonially, the speaker may represent the whole house, but politically he or she is the legislative voice of the party in power."

-from Wikipedia

That's right people Rep. Nancy Pelosi runs Congress in a nutshell, and she's a Democrat. The sway of power has fully shifted from Republican to Democrat. Democrats control both bodies of Congress.

February 2007

DUMMY OF THE YEAR

This award goes to Lisa Nowak, for driving from Texas to Florida to "talk" to some woman that was banging her fuck buddy. Hey Lisa…you were just a fuck! Get over it!

Onto other news…

Anna Nicole Smith dies in an "accidental" drug overdose. Why is it when you're famous in Hollywood it's an accidental overdose? All other instances of OD's are played like the person meant to do it.

"Oh…I think I'm not high enough. Let me snort this mountain of pure uncut coke!"

I'm not poking fun at Anna by any means. I mean look at this woman. Who woulda thought the stripper from Texas, who married a dying billionaire (pimp move if I have ever seen one!), who blew up to Kirstie Alley proportions, get back down to looking this good! I'll admit, The Royal Staff got some attention due to me looking at some of her recent pictures and videos. LOL!

April 2007

32 young men and women are senselessly killed at Virginia Tech. I'll leave it at that.

July 2007

The final book in J.K. Rowling Harry Potter series is released.

I went to Barnes & Noble to get a cookbook when this book was released and it was complete chaos! I haven't seen such madness since Michael Jordan released these shoes in Chicago…

It was just that crazy.

August 2007

China finds a new way to screw us over by putting high levels of chemicals and toxins in toys, toothpaste, dog food, and other products.

On the home front, in Minneapolis, a bridge that crosses the good ol' Mississippi collapses sparking a nationwide look at all bridges in the US. When I go home, I have to go thru the Hampton Roads Bridge/Tunnel.

So imagine when this happened how nervous I was. No matter how you look at it…I have to go thru a bridge/tunnel to get home. See, I know what you were thinking. "Just go around it." There is no going around. I hit the Monitor/Merrimac Bridge/Tunnel. Which means, "Woe is me!"

Barry Bonds becomes the All-Time Home Run King passing "Hammerin'" Hank Aaron

Amidst severe controversy for his steroid usage, many think he should get the Pete Rose treatment. Regardless of what you think, Barry still went out and accomplished a great feat. Steroids can't tell you what pitch is about to be coming at you, or how to hit a breaking ball. Let us all come off our high horse for a moment. We are not saints. I'm sure some people have done something i.e. burn trees, that wasn't the right thing to do. Give Barry his props and call it a day.

Let's stay in sports for a moment. The beleaguered Atlanta Falcons quarterback is indicted on federal dog fighting conspiracy charges and pleads guilty. Dog fighting is NOT a federal crime. Let me explain how his case is different. The nice word conspiracy is attached to his charges. Conspiracy is a federal charge. The dogs were bought in Georgia and transported across state lines with the intent of committing a crime. That is how his dog fighting charges became a federal matter. We all know that Mike fucked up. Let the man serve his time and forgive. I still got your back Mike!!!

(August was full of top stories…LOL!!!)

September 2007

General David Patraeus tells a Congressional Committee, that the campaign in Iraq has met the majority of the military goals set, and we can begin troop withdrawals as early as January. However, he stated a direct withdrawal would be "premature." I say fuck that!

A small town in Louisiana shows America just how far we have really come in the race for equality and tolerance. 6young black men in Jena, are imprisoned for a racially motivated beating of a white male at their high school. It all started over wanting to sit under a shade tree. Black students, upon given the OK from the principal, sat under the "white only" tree during lunch one day. The following day 3 nooses were hung from the tree, an obvious intimidation, threat and hate crime. The people responsible were essentially let off the hook and it was played down as a "prank." Several weeks of racial tension, culminated in the ass whoop that boy deserved for running off at the mouth.

October 2007

CALIFORNIA IS BURNING!!!

Several wildfires in southern California force millions from their homes, and leaves 14 people dead. At least 2 of the fires were intentionally set. Whoever did this has got to be the sickest individual on the planet. My suggestion as to his punishment…burn him alive to the point of near death. Let him recuperate. Then do it all over again for the rest of his/her life.

All my people in Killa Kali…I got love for yawl! Mostly because you're Governor

Can beat the shit out of my Governor

LOL!!!

November 2007

The Royal One celebrated his 27^th birthday!

Don't worry…I'm even sexier in person! LOL!

On a sadder note, Dr. Donda West, mother of famed and controversial rapper Kanye West, dies of an apparent heart attack.

America's mayors hold a town meeting about the spikes in foreclosure rates. Basically, the real estate market melted down this year and expect for the meltdown to continue into 2008. At least 2 million homeowners are expected to lose their homes in the next couple years.

December 2007

Port Arthur native Chad Butler a.k.a. "Pimp C", one half of the critically acclaimed rap duo UGK dies suddenly in his hotel room in Los Angeles. Though a force in hip hop for years, UGK did not gain national recognition until after a feature on Jay Z's "Big Pimpin'". Despite legal woes and incarceration, Pimp C continued to supply us with quality music, never forgetting his roots in Texas. He will be missed.

Atlanta Falcons former Head Coach Bobby "The Bitch" Petrino,

resigns after 13 games to coach for SEC upstarts the Arkansas Razorbacks. Bobby…that was a bitch move on your part and I hope the Razorbacks fucking lose every single game next year!

That's it folks. There were tons of other notable stories but I damn sure don't want to waste any time on them. I mean really, who wants to hear about Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Paris Hilton again? 2007 was definitely a year to either remember or forget. I've made some new friends out here and hope 2008 will lead me into many more. Until next year….I'll leave you with a quote….

"If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that what really throws you into a panic."

Get your motor runnin'!!!!

There's really only a few things that get my mojo flowin' now-a-days.....a sick motorcycle or a Mercedes Benz. I don't know what it is about forms of transportation that gets me going. I'll cheat on a girlfriend with a car or a motorcycle before another woman. The reasoning is simple. Cars and motorcycles don't talk back. They don't care how late you've been out drinking. They could care less if we're hanging with the fellas watching sports and holding our genitals in an obvious display of male testosterone. They just want us to admire their smooth lines. Wax and polish them for hours on end. Feed them 93 octane because they perform better with it. That's all they want.

So during my daily web-wandering, I come across this extra sexy Mercedes Benz on PopularMechanics.com. When I say sexy....I'm talking Halle Berry sexy in Monster when Billy Bob was slangin' wood to her. I don't care what anyone says either, that was the sexiest Halle has ever been in a movie. "Make me feel good!" Yawl remember that scene. Anyway, while reading this article I thought about the convo I had with Nik Nik from Georgia. She was saying the same thing about it's funny how if a biker cheats on his girl, more than likely it's with his bike. So true that statement is because if my girl pisses me off, I'll just go to my baby and ride her all day. Well here's a picture of that Mercedes I was talking about. Sexy aint she?! This is fine piece of German engineering is the F700. The F700 is a prototype of the future for the wildly popular S-Class series Benz. This bad boy gets 44mpg, literally unheard in the luxury class of vehicles. Wait a sec....you telling me that this car gets 44mpg and is not a hybrid? Well, it is. The hybrid capabilities are the same as all other hybrid vehicles. However, this car sports a "completely new kind of internal combustion engine." Check this out even....this car has what is known as the DiesOtto Engine-a 1.8-liter, four-cylinder gasoline engine that produces 238 hp and 295 lb.-ft. of torque (about the same as the current Mercedes 3.5-liter V6 or 3.0-liter diesel). Basically, if you think this car is a punk because it only has 4 cylinders, you are sadly mistaken. The F700 will go from 0-62 mph in only 7.5 seconds, while getting 44 miles per gallon and generating only 127 grams of carbon dioxide per kilometer (just over half a mile). Don't know wheter or not Mercedes is gonna release this vehicle as the F700 or utilize the body style in future S-Classes, but I do know this car will cost a pretty peny.

Now onto motorcycles. The Kawasaki ZX-14 Ninja is a beast among animals already shredding the pavement on 2 wheels. I saw one of these the other day and almost crashed. This bike defines sexy. Now don't get me wrong, the Suzuki Hayabusa GSX-R 1300 and the Yamaha R1 are two sexy bikes in their own right. This bike right here though.....let me just break down the details. It's powered by a 4-Stroke, 4-Cylinder, Liquid-Cooled, DOHC, 4 Valve Cylinder Head that's displacing 1352 cc. Top speed is estimated somewhere around 240 mph. Death on 2 wheels is right. But look at this bike. Everything about her says please move out of my way.....I am much faster than you are. What is so cool about this is, when I got the chance to talk to the rider who I saw on this bike, he was not modest at all in telling me about the functionality of this bike. He told me the fastest he got the bike to was around 215 mph and the acceleration was smooth the whole time. It was like he wasn't even shifting. He was too scared to go any faster. "Maybe one day I'll open her up and see how fast I can really push her." For his own sake I hope he opens her up with plenty of people around.