Must be in the water....

I tell you with all that's going on today in the world....I don't know if I can handle this next one. The shock of this alone will rock the beverage world right down to the foundation! I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Brace yourselves people....AQUAFINA© is made with tap water! Oh my God! That crisp refreshing taste doesn't come from the glaciers of the Arctic? People we have been lied to by PepsiCo Inc. to believe the good tasting water was derived from untouched springs and shit of that nature.

TIME OUT!!!! Alright let's get serious for a second here....does anyone really think I give a rat's ass about where water comes from. Nope! However you just might care. Have you ever known people that say they would never drink out the faucet or from a public water fountain? You know the type....always has a bottle of water they got from 7-Eleven, White Hen Pantry, or Tinee Giant. They would come over your house and ask for some water and when you start the famous 10 second countdown they ask, "Oh....is that from out the sink? I don't drink water out the faucet."

(Yawl remember the countdown. Mom Dukes would say let the water run for 10 seconds so you're not drinking the water that was sitting in the pipes.)

Anyway, I guess there's been this whole big thing about the water coming from a public source. Both Coca-Cola's Dasani© and PepsiCo's Aquafina© both orginate from public sources aka public reservoirs. If anyone has seen those things up close and personal....wow!

Apparently, the whole water thing has gotten so big thatt the Mayor of San Francisco "banned city employees from using city funds to buy bottled water when tap water is available." (You gotta like this guy too....Gavin Newsome. He said that President Bush's stance on gay marraige is 'shameful'. Way to stand up for the millions of weird homo's running amuck in your city!)

Now all you skinny chicks that alway say, "it must be something in the water. That's why her ass is so big." Maybe yo ass wasn't drinking water in the first place. Either that or you're just genetically doomed to have a flat ass. To all those tap water haters....GOTCHA BITCH!

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

"I thought this was America people?" Jay Z

Never did I think that would phrase would mean so much. I thought this was America. I thought people get a fair or at least a fighting chance here. I thought everyone was given the right to due process. What I have learned is the liberties and freedoms we so enjoy come at a cost. I think Pastor Troy was ahead of his time when he said, "I'm bout to move to Mars yawl. This world a mess." The world is a mess.

I know for the most part, everyone has heard about Michael Vick's Federal indictment on dog fighting charges. I have no opinion of the actual matter at hand now because he has not been convicted of a crime. However, do you really think he will get a fair chance at trial? With the media camped out at the Atlanta Falcon's training camp, and constant stories floating around on the news....Mike Vick might as well already have been to prison. I was at work reading various stories about the indictment. Roger Goodell has ordered him not to report to training camp, right before Falcons owner and CEO, Arthur Blank, reportedly asked Mike or told him to take a leave of abscence to deal with his legal woes. He will get paid the whole time during training camp and pre-season.

I want to know how you feel about the whole situation. Speaking for myself, I don't condone dog fighting. It's sick and immoral. However, he has not been convicted of a crime. It's sad to see that you're no longer "innocent until proven guilty," but it's the other way around. Anyway, let me know your feelings on his situation.

Pink Rover!!! Pink Rover!!! I call.....Kim over!!!

What's going on everyone....this is the Royal One. Blogxilla has asked me to come on over to the site and write a piece for him. Being the rather off beat person that I am, I decided to write about the Pink Range Rover Chick. If you don't know who I'm talking about you will soon find out. (That title is hot Xilla....thanks for coming up with it.)

Now on to business. The "Pink Range Rover Chick" is most famous for replacing Nicole Ritchie as Paris Hilton's partner in crime. Still don't know who I'm talking about? Here's another clue. Vivid Entertainment, reportedly settled a lawsuit with her for $5 million dollars for a video that was leaked and made into a video. Still scratching your head??? Well the "Pink Range Rover Chick" is none other than the lovely Ms. Kimberly Noel Kardashian. Many may ask....why would we want to read about this chick. So what she has a Pink Range Rover, so what she looks good. (And she does look good!)

People....she did will go down in history along with wannabe street R&B singer, Ray J, for making a sex tape so clear....you feel you were right there. I've seen the sex tape and I must say. WOW! Is it me or are celebrity sex tapes becoming the new porn? We have the notorious R. Kelly Sex Tapes, Pam and Tommy Lee, Paris Hilton, and even Chyna from WWE fame made a sex tape with X-Pac. What kills me is that once these sex tapes get leaked....ALL HELL breaks loose! They wanna get all worried about their image now that little Bobby has downloaded a video of you taking the money shot in the eye. You weren't thinking about your image when you were on your knees deepthroating the penis. You damn sure wasn't worried about it when your face was planted in her fur burger eating it like that's your last meal. That is what irritates me the most about these celebrites. Sex is a natural thing (fun too I may add). Filming sex between you and your partner has been going on for years. Are you embarassed by the fact that as a man or woman you are having sex or the fact you fucked up and let the tape get out?

I will give her some credit for cashing in on it though. Vivid Entertainment paid her $5 million dollars in a settlement for her and Ray J's sex sessions. If anything, the video catapulted her star power. For those that don't know, her father, the late Robert Kardashian was one of the lawyers on the Dream Team that got OJ Simpson off. So in reality, she already had star power not to mention being fine as all outdoors never hurts. She may actually be responsible for making Ray J a revelant figure in hip hop by launching his porn career. Probably killed his chances of being the Mayor of Carson, California, but hey look at who they got as governor. Ray....anything is possible!

Time to weigh in people....which celebrity sex tape, in your opinion, caused the most embarrasment for both parties or just a single person? Final question....will celebrities ever learn that if they make a sex tape, someone is always gonna find a way to leak it?

How To Make $250,000....Quick!!!

"A federal jury awarded $260,000 yesterday to one of two men who sued NBA star Allen Iverson after they said they were beaten by his entourage at a Washington nightclub in 2005.

The jury's decision against Iverson and his bodyguard, Jason Kane, covers bar patron Marlin Godfrey's medical bills and pain and suffering. But the jury chose not to award punitive damages, which could have significantly raised the damage award.

Godfrey and another patron, David Anthony Kittrell, sued the Denver Nuggets guard for $20 million, saying they were beaten by his entourage in July 2005. The attacks, they said, followed their refusal to vacate the Eyebar club's VIP section for Iverson.

Iverson testified last week that he didn't see the fight, and was whisked out of the club before the brawl became serious. He said the two men suing him were merely trying to cash in on his fame and fortune."

SAN DIEGO UNION-TRIBUNE©

If all it takes is me getting my ass whooped, to get $260,000....where the hell do I sign up? No but seriously, ain't that extortion? Do we really live in a society where celebrities can't go out to enjoy themselves for a night and not get sued? I'm no celebrity but I have met plenty in my lifetime. For the most part, they are really humble people that really just want to go out and relax without worrying about what they do for a living. But the question remains......

Is it really that easy to get paid these days? When I heard the story of A.I. getting sued it just reminded me of all the past celebrities that have been sued for millions of dollars by Joe Schmoe looking to get paid. Sad thing is these people are getting paid. Recently, Brian Urlacher, of the NFC Champion Chicago Bears, is going through baby mama drama with Tyna Robertson. Mind you this woman is a known groupie. When I say known, her resume boasts some pretty big names in sports and entertainment.

Here's a part of an article in the Chicago Sun-Times about Ms. Robertson.

"She has had a long list of boyfriends, including boxer Andrew Golata, "Lord of the Dance" star Michael Flatley, several professional ballplayers, even a cabinetmaker and a physical therapist. She speaks Spanish and Polish.

Flatley is suing her and an attorney for $100 million for allegedly making a false allegation that Flatley raped Robertson in Las Vegas. Robertson insists she was raped and wasn't involved in any extortion. Her $35 million lawsuit against Flatley was tossed out of court."

The story between her Brian Urlacher is she got pregnant, he offered her 6 figures to get an abortion. "In fact, she told the Sun-Times that she turned down a six-figure offer to have an abortion when she was two months pregnant." Now I'm not downing this chick for having the child. It's not the child's fault. The facts are still clear though, you are a gold digger. I think her motivation for not getting the abortion was the amount in child support she would get. She wasn't thinking and still isn't thinking about the child. Just my thoughts.

Back in November of 2006, rapper Juvenile was sued by Jacksonville police officer for damages during a fight in a Jacksonville Mall. The police officer claimed that while she was trying to restrain Juvenile, she injured her knee. She's had 4 surgeries since with medical expenses totalling over $68K. You mean to tell me, you can trace your knee problems to this one event. You are a cop, and I'm sure you've walked a beat or chased a suspect. Fortunately for Juve, his lawyers were able to prove she had previous injuries due to playing sports as a child and had degenerative arthritis. Though the judge threw out the lawsuit, she plans on appealing because the suit was based on her left knee and not her right knee.

I guess this shit will never end.

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I Just Called....

To say.....I love yawl!!!!!!

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You kiss your mother with that mouth!!!

What you are seeing is not a joke people. That is a "No Cursing" sign. The wonderful city of Virginia Beach has had those posted for quite some time now. Since 2003 I believe. The only reason I'm blogging about this is because this past weekend I had to go there to pick something up from a friends house. My good buddy lets me know he's on "The Strip" which is basically Atlantic Avenue. Now, this one stretch of road usually has 80% of the Virginia Beach Police force on that block. I'm not kidding either. So I find a nice FREE place to park and start my search for this dude. I hate going to the beach because it seems as if all the cops in VA Beach suffer from the Bully Syndrome. They got their asses whooped in school because they were too pussy to stand up and take a beating, so now they have a badge and a gun and they think they are hot shit. (By the way, I do not like cops at all.) Like I said, I'm looking for this dude and I'm getting frustrated because he's not where he said he was going to meet me.

"FUCK!!!!"

"Excuse me sir can you please step over here?" He was more or less telling than asking me. Now unless I've done some serious crime against a person, i.e. pissed on you or started to open a can of fuck yo ass up, don't touch me. So when this cop grabs my arm, I pull away and tell him "You don't have to put your hands on me for me to come over to you. I was coming." The other cop asks me for my ID and tells me why he is writing me a ticket. I wasnt the only one getting a ticket either. This lovely stallion of a woman was getting a ticket for wearing a thong. Mind you everyone....we're on the BEACH!!!

Anyway, this is the law she broke.....

Sec. 22-10. Public nudity generally. (a.k.a. The Thong Law)
(a) As used in this section, "state of nudity" means a state of undress so as to expose the human male or female genitals, pubic area or buttocks with less than a fully opaque covering, or the showing of the female breast with less than a fully opaque covering of any portion thereof below the top of the nipple.
(b) It shall be unlawful for any person to knowingly, voluntarily and intentionally appear in public, or in a public place, or in a place open to the public or open to public view, in a state of nudity or to employ, encourage or procure another person to so appear.
(c) Nothing contained in this section shall be construed to apply to the exhibition, presentation, showing or performance of any play, ballet, drama, tableau, production or motion picture in any theater, concert hall, museum of fine arts, school, institution of higher learning or other similar establishment which is primarily devoted to such exhibitions, presentations, shows or performances as a form of expression of opinion, communication, speech, ideas, information, art or drama, as differentiated from commercial or business advertising, promotion or exploitation of nudity for the purpose of advertising, promoting, selling or serving products or services or otherwise advancing the economic welfare of a commercial or business enterprise, such as a hotel, motel, bar, nightclub, restaurant, tavern or dance hall.
(Code 1965, § 23-32.1)

Here's the law I broke.....

Sec. 23-12. Abusive language. (a.k.a. No Cursing Law)
If any person shall, in the presence or hearing of another, curse or abuse such other person, or use any violent abusive language to such other person concerning himself or any of his relations, or otherwise use such language under circumstances reasonably calculated to provoke a breach of the peace, he shall be guilty of a Class 3 misdemeanor.
(Code 1965, § 23-1)

Now I'm thinking to myself you gotta be kidding me! Cursing???? I take my ticket and the fucking dick had the nerve to tell me "Have a nice day." I snatch the ticket and mumble "Yeah....go fuck your partner!" Well his partner heard but couldn't really make out what i said so i continue on my merry little way until I find my boy. To say the least I got a $50 ticket for my freedom of speech. The whole idea of making VA Beach a "family environment" is a little too far fetched....especially when you have about 3 bars on every block.

Parents....if you don't want your children to hear fuck, shit, damn, bitch, cock, pussy, mother-bitch, fucknut, shit head, cock sucking motherfucker, motherfucking cock sucker, cunt rag or any other vulgarities that I've heard out there, don't bring your kids out at 2 in the morning. You're gonna hear some shit. Anyway just had to get this out.

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Better Than Sex

What would you say if I could make you climax with a simple touch?
Go ahead an close your eyes....
As my fingers....trace your body.
I want you to imagine me standing behind you,
Breathing ever so softly on your neck.
I slowly trace your face with my fingertips.
By the look on your face, I could see the feelings of desire.
Begin to engulf your body.
I work my way to your lips.
You gently kiss my fingers with yor full, soft lips.
Your body subtly shaking with pleasure.
As I move to your neck, I push your hair to the side.
You arch your neck gracefully.
Like you know you're the shit!
Your soft skin looks and feels so damn beautiful to me.
I gently stroke your neck.
First.....the left side,
Then....the right side.
The whole time I'm watching you in the mirror.
You are so beautiful to me.
I think I just found one of your spots.
You let out a long sigh of pleasure,
As I repeatedly slide my finger over it until you can take no more.
Are you enjoying this as much as I am?
I move to your breasts, and through your blouse....
I can already see you excitement.
You didn't wear a bra toady and you're wearing a red silk shirt.
You like the way silk feels against your skin.
Me too.
I massage your breasts through the blouse.
I can feel your nipples....
Becoming erect.
We've been going at this for sometime now.
Taking my time to remove your shirt only adds to
Your feelings of excitement and anticipation.
Once removed, I let the shirt slip to the floor,
Revealingyour full breasts and erect nipples.
As I begin to rub and massage your breats,
"Ooooooh." slowy and quietly escapes from your mouth.
My feelings feel like electricity sending sensation,
After sensation, after sensation.....
Rushing through your body.
You shudder more frquently,
As I move down past your stomach.
I trace a few circles right below your belly button....
And right above your preciuos diamond.
After a few minutes of biting your lip,
You turn to kiss me......
At that moment, you've just realized,
you'e climaxed quite a few times.
Now was that better than sex?

I actually wrote this 11 years ago and this was one of the few poems I actually performed. Due to the nature and content, I only performed this one time. That one time was enough for a couple of women tell me that I had made them cum. As always, leave me some feedback and tell me what you think. Like I said I will only do this if that's what you want to see.

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This Night (Don't Say A Word)

This night is special for you.
I want it to be perfect for you because you deserve it.
I know you've had a long day at work.
You're tired, frustrated, and hungry.
Your feet are hurting, your back is in pain, and you have a slight headache.
But I need for you to stay with me on this one beautiful.
I open the door for you when you get home, your favorite meal ready.
Your hair is pulled back in a sloppy ponytail.
I can tell the only thing you want to do is eat something, take a long hot bath, and go to sleep.
But I need for you to stay with me on this one tonight.
Before you can say a word, I quickly kiss you, and place my finger to your mouth.
Don't say a word.
Damn, you look beautiful!
I'll tell you everyday for the rest of our lives through my actions.
I grab your hand and lead you to the table.
You look at me as if to speak.
I promptly put my finger over my mouth.
Don't say a word.I sit you down and begin to feed you.
Tonight is your night, and I don't want you to pick up a finger.
For ANYTHING.
I just want you to enjoy this.
Tonight I will ensure that it will be a night to remember.
After dinner, I lead you upstairs to the bath already drawn.
100 candles gives the bathroom a subtle glow.
White rose petals await you in your bath.
Bottle of the finest Port Wine I could buy....one glass.
Just one glass for you.
I slowly take your clothes off, kissing each part of your body as piece after piece....
Falls to the floor.
I can feel your excitement building with each kiss.
As you open your mouth to speak, I shake my head no.
Reminding you not to speak.
As you sink into your hot bath, I sit back and enjoy your beauty.
You look so calm.
So peaceful.
Connected with me in thought.
As we climb into bed, I hold you close.
Slowly rubbing your hair.
This night wasn't about sex.
This night wasn't about how yur day went at work.
This night wasn't about you in the kitchen fixing a hot meal.
This night was about you.
The only words that were heard, happened the next morning.
My writings are more short story, situation type of deals.

I try to connect with all the senses when I write. Touch, smell, sight, sound. If I was able to touch at least one of these senses in you please feel free to leave a comment. Even if you think that I'm the worst you read leave me a comment. I will do this as long as there is a demand for it. I normally don't share my writing with anyone. Like I said, someone grabbed a hold of my book and read it. She told me that it was too good to keep to myself. Anyway, before I start to ramble....let me go ahead and get outta here. I hope you enjoy the reading.

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So Hard To Say Good-Bye

Normally, I wouldn't dwell on events that occur in my life. Mostly because I'm too damn lazy, and don't like to exert the energy that dwelling on shit will incur. However I felt a burning need to address this topic. We all have gone through this at one time or will eventually go through a situation such as this one. How does one say good-bye to the person they love. When do you know when to hold on and when to let go.

I feel letting go of someone or something you love hurts more than getting shot. Believe me, getting shot hurts.....bad. How can you just erase so many good memories, good times, and priceless moments? How does one cope with the feelings they have knowing that once they say that final good-bye, there's no going back?

What happens is you travel down that lonely road of regret. But you still haven't quite grasped the exact nature of the choice that was made. Say good-bye or see you later? I made a mistake in saying good-bye. I should have said see you later, but would that have hurt me more in the long rung. I regret nothing I've ever done in life. I do what I do for a reason. The decision to say good-bye instead of see you later will amount to my biggest fuck up to date. I really wanted to say see you later, but it's too late now. All I can do is walk away.......

Snitchin': Start or Stop?

I was thinking really hard about whether or not I should write this blog today. The word has many translations....ratting, turning state, droppin' dimes. Now-a-days, it's a "business decision" to not snitch. Well let us conversate a tad on the topic of snitching. Since I enjoy definitions, so everyone is clear on the real meaning of the word, let me break out my handy dictionary for the definition of the word snitch.

Snitch
1. [intransitive verb] Inform on somebody: To tell somebody in authority about another person's wrongdoing.Friends don't snitch on each other. (Real talk that was actually in there!)
2. [noun] Informer: somebody who informs on others.
*All definitions provided by Encarta

So now that we know that we know the definition of snitch. Let's see what "gangsta" rapper Cam'ron has to say about snitching and conversating with the police....

http://videos.onsmash.com/v/LrmDv5gnqVQxrCA6

This interview has sparked heated debate over the very popular phrase...

Is it okay to not tell the police, when you see someone commit a crime? I know I have turned the blind eye on a lot of situations. Drug dealing, assault and batteries, stuff of that nature. Was I wrong for not stepping forward and telling the police what I saw or did I just follow the code of the streets? I hate to admit it, but it is hard enough for young people out here to live past the age of 18. More than likely, these young people are latch-key kids. The majority of the education they receive is on the streets and through what they see in everyday life. If someone on the block hears that someone has snitched....

"If niggaz think you snitchin, they ain't tryin listen. They be sittin in your kitchen, waitin to start hittin."
Notorious B.I.G. - "Ten Crack Commandments"

So my question is what would you do if you were in a situation where the information you have could lead to an arrest? Would you snitch or would you turn the blind eye?

Remember....the Queen B herself got 366 days for not snitching....

Busta Rhymes has made headlines for his non-cooperation with the police.... And Shyne is still sitting in jail because he didn't snitch....
So do we.....

or

Lemme know what's good.
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